Update: I’m Not Okay (I Promise)

Folks have been asking for an update on the fundraiser and my health situation.

The good:

The fundraiser is getting close to it’s goal of getting all of my dental work cleared! As of today, 12/9, we’re working towards getting the last of my cracked teeth fixed. The GFM is is at $18, 760. If I get $1000 by next Thursday, I can get a crown for my cracked tooth. This means I can finally get a mouth guard that fits my teeth. I’ve been using one from the drug store that you’re only supposed to use for two weeks, for two months. It’s very uncomfortable sleeping with a hunk of plastic in your mouth that doesn’t even fit. It also means I can eat non-mushy things. I’ve been terrified of putting more pressure on that tooth because cracking it even further would mean my fundraising costs would increase due to needing a root canal. While I won’t be able to have sharp crunchy foods for a long while, I would like to eat sautéed greens and cucumbers soon.

When the GFM hits 23K, I can get the last filling and permanent crown, meaning my dental work will be over. I think we can hit it soon!

My medical and dental support team is amazing. My doctors are so helpful and I’m in good hands. I don’t have to fight for tests and referrals. I’m getting an ultrasound, a little wearable heart monitor, and a sleep test coming up. For now, we’ve been able to rule out the autoimmune diseases that run in my family. That feels great!

The bad:

I will be unable to return to my career as an organizing director for the next two years. I would like some privacy around the specifics, but I was close to something more like organ failure (and would lead to organ failure if untreated) and need to rest and recover in order to be healthy. That means the high-stress, high-pressure movement roles are a no-go. It comes with lifestyle changes of no drinking, no coffee, bedrest two days a week. Please stop sending me job applications, I need to heal and rest.

This is hard for me, even before I started organizing at a young age, I was always involved in “giving back”. I was the queen of volunteering and extra curriculars. It’s just how I am, when I have I give. When I’ve taken “breaks” from organizing I ended up doing unpaid work because I care deeply about the liberation and support of my people. This is the first time in my life that I can remember not having that. I’m sick and I can’t do that. I know that there is more to life than martyrdom and cycles of burn out as a response to mass human suffering. I know that. Yet, this is hard for me and I need space from the expectation that I need to be doing social justice work right now. I’ve built a whole identity around my worth being based on my helpfulness and my productivity and I want the people in my life to be supportive of the growth I need to do in order for that to change.

Another rough decision I’ve had to make is to go on medi-cal instead of COBRA. I haven’t gotten a response for my rent reduction request and I couldn’t juggle COBRA payments and rent. This may mean increased medical costs down the line, but for now I’m working with what I have access to.

The ugly:

I’m different now. I’m sick. I don’t have the energy I used to have. I’m experiencing fatigue like I’ve never experienced. I can wake up at 9am, and go to bed at 5pm, and wake up again at 9am still tired. You might start a conversation with me, see me post about the fundraiser, and not get a response for a few days, not because I don’t want to talk but I genuinely need to sit down and focus so everyone isn’t getting “cool” and “ok” when talking to me.

I’ve been having some rough symptoms that have almost landed me in the ER. Severe abdominal cramping, eczema, vertigo. I feel like things are so touch and go. I’m not close to death or deeply catastrophic health consequences (like I was when I was fighting an active gum infection that was spreading despite anti-biotic treatment and I couldn’t afford care) but I do know that without time to recover and rest, I could end up back to where I was.

My dental healing journey after this work is completed will be 8 months - separate from my medical issues. I’m eating foods that are high protein and anti-inflammatory so my dental implant doesn’t have complications. It means that even in the depth of my fatigue, I need to be cooking and monitoring my body’s reactions to foods. I also can’t skip meals to save money.

That being said, if you have a platform and think a podcast spot or an IG live will help get donations, I’m down to hop on and talk about organizing, astrology, or whatever. I just need a little bit of a heads up to coordinate with doctor’s appointments. Which leads me to my next point.

How you can support me:

Include a donation to my Gofundme on your behalf when sharing your holiday gift lists, and holiday updates with others.

Alaina of Sea of Change Astrology is offering a custom Altar Cloth to benefit my fundraiser. Check it out here and DM to claim.

When sharing my fundraiser to your social media pages, please post a little bit of text alongside it, like an emoji, how much a donation is appreciated, how you know me, and any information. When fundraising requests are shared with some personal info, people who know you are more likely to donate because they can see we’re connected, and that I’m a real person.

Diandra Linder is offering an astrology reading in exchange for $50 donation to my fundraiser. Check it out here for more information.

Include my GFM link in your online bios, and regularly shout me out. If you need ideas, check out my “Solidarity!” pinned story on Instagram to see videos, posts, and general calls to action around my wellbeing.

Feel free to raffle off personal items for donations - let me know if you need sample language and I can send it over.

and lastly, I just want to thank everyone for their donations, boosting, and support. In a system that discards us when we’re unproductive and ill, I feel very grateful that I was able to fight against a system that would have let me get sepsis and lose my housing instead of making healthcare, housing, and food something available for everyone regardless of income.

alyssia

So uhh… wtf happened to you?

Check out my FAQ for the tl;dr version of this here: FAQ for Survival Fundraiser

The original original plan for my life, in early summer, was that I was going to gracefully transition out of my job, find a new one, everything is chill, new life changes, whatever.

It became very clear in August that that wasn’t going to happen. I was getting let go, it wasn’t going to be on my timeline (or a timeline that made sense) so I planned, I hustled, I got job interviews, I fought for what I needed. I planned for a small gap in income until I was able to find a new job within a month or two. I planned doctor’s appointments so everything would be squared away (hopefully) in case there’s a gap in healthcare coverage.

In September, I realized something was really wrong. I felt like my body was constantly in fight or flight. I had trouble making home cooked meals - something I really loved. I would wake up with headaches and just thought to myself - maybe this will get better when I get a break from this hella stressful job, this hella stressful move, and I have my job situation figured out.

A week before my last day, my dentist confirmed that “something was very wrong”. I had 3 cracked teeth, my gums were inflamed and bleeding when touched gently. I had bacteria in my fillings, and underneath my gums. I was shook. I went through my dental routine with her, an intense one. I take good care of my teeth. She let me know that this was something completely out of my control.

I went to my primary care doctor for what I thought were hormonal issues (which contributes to gum inflammation). I was dealing with fatigue, the migraines were getting so bad, I couldn’t control grinding and clenching my teeth. They took my pulse and my heart was racing so fast, they immediately ordered labs and tests. They confirmed that yes, something was very wrong.

I slept, I drank water, I ate leafy greens, I paid a lot of money to start care for my teeth with hopes that a job would come through. I started the process for benefits.

Things got worse.

The 3 cracked teeth turned into 4 cracked teeth and a gum infection. The 17K dental bill turned to a 23K dental bill. My body had a hard time fighting the infection, leading my doctors to a potential issue with my adrenals, on top of the hormonal issues we were testing for. I started having dental pain, body pain, and chronic migraines. I started to sleep with a mouth guard to prevent more of my teeth from cracking.

I was spending longer and longer at the dentist, at the doctors office, and moving between places. I needed help. I was going to lose my teeth if I didn’t do anything.

That’s what brought me to fundraising for my health, my rest, and my survival.

I’m very ill right now. I know I can get better, but in order to get better, my health is now my full time job. I need to save my teeth. I need to go on bed rest. I need a safety net that this system unfortunately doesn’t provide. As I’m typing this I’m recovering from what I hope is my only dental surgery - I currently have stitches in my mouth, a metal implant that’s been drilled into my mouth bone, and a two week diet of the mushiest of foods. I don’t have a front tooth and I’m staying inside and off camera because it’s looking like real body horror hours up in here. This has had so much impact in my life.

I need my friends and community to come together to support me in the face of a system that wants people like me dead or suffering. I refuse to let this system kill my spirit, my smile, and my stability. I refuse to have this be a sad story.

Fight for my rest, my recovery, and my health alongside me. Shout me out, ask your friends to shout me out, donate, show up for me: Survival Fund

Getting Astro-Fabulous with Nadiya Shah

Link to YouTube video here

I was on Nadiya Shah’s YouTube channel to speak about Queer Astrology.

Behind the scenes Nadiya is amazingly sweet. I was so excited to get this opportunity to work with her after attending her book launch for “The Body and the Cosmos”, a book I still use regularly. We did a grounding meditation to center ourselves, and it was so beautiful. Nadiya mentioned that she first went to school for social justice, but changed her path to philosophy, and became the astrologer we know and love today.

There was a moment in the recording where some BADASS KIDS outside were banging on the door to my apartment and trying to get in (they confused it for the apartment next door). Oops.

Can I just tell you WHY I love her so much? Nadiya brings life, kindness, and candor to an astrology world that is often stuffy. Her aesthetic is culturally relevant to her practice, it's sparkly, it's femme, it's loud, it's living. Her generosity guides her towards more opportunities. I love this approach to expression. I definitely look toward to meeting the Nadiya Shahs of the astrology world to figure out my own path when it comes to my practice.

Also big shout out to Mr. Quan Tracy Cherry for bringing his expertise, I love hearing him talk about the Venus Star Point, and Daniel Bernal from Divine Orbit Astrology. His podcast, Queer Skies, is a treasure! I loved speaking alongside these talented astrologers and had a great time.

Using Astrology and Intuition Towards Social Justice Practice

Recording Here

Here's the audio recording of the talk I held at the 2020 Queer Astrology Conference. Enjoy!

Levity in Astrology with Melissa LaFara

As apart of the HYPE around the upcoming Astrology of Awakening II Summit, I spoke with Melissa LaFara, the host of the Energetic Principles Podcast about Levity in Astrology. We talked about Drunk Astrology, bug horary, and a lot of stuff in between.

Listen here: https://www.energeticprinciples.com/single-post/ep-podcast-levity-in-astrology-w-alyssia-osorio

A recipe for challenged moon transits

In "Making the Mundane Magical", a presentation I did for the last Fresh Voices Summit, I mentioned that you should try to go food shopping when the moon is in Cancer or Taurus. Going food shopping when the moon is void, or it's transiting the signs of Scorpio and Capricorn generally can mean the food might go bad quicker, or you just don't use it. 

Well then, you might ask, what is good for a Scorpio or Capricorn moon then? When the moon is void?

Prepping ahead before the moon is at those points, using scraps, or preserving.

Learning how to reduce food waste started when I moved to my Saturn line. I would collect all my veggie scraps for the week and make delicious broth, wayyyy better than what I would get at the store. I learned how to restore wilting carrots, and how to correctly wrap up my groceries so they would last longer. This recipe came to be when I realized a delicious baguette I had brought had gotten stale, and I wanted to figure out how to give it new life. 

This panzanella is not traditional. This panzanella is made by a mentally-ill astrologer who knows that individual solutions to waste and climate chaos do not fucking work, but cannot bear to have more plastic shit in the house. This is for the people who pick up a baguette because they want nice bread for breakfast but end up having days where a granola bar hits their stomach acid at 2pm - and the bread ends up stale. 

A note before embarking on this journey: I really like astringent flavors. Think of this recipe as more of a structure than something you really gotta stick to. Always taste and adjust for flavor, and cater to your palette.

stuff you gotta get: 

kosher salt

freshly ground black pepper

dijon mustard

red wine vinegar 

1 shallot

2 cloves of garlic

nice tasting olive oil 

2 - 3 heirloom tomatoes 

some stale bread, cut into 1 inch cubes

1 avocado

some cucumber 

chopped basil 

optional: a little bit of red onion

1. You're gonna chop the tomatoes and put them in a colander, over a mixing bowl.

Once the tomatoes are in the colander, sprinkle two teaspoons worth of kosher salt on them. Toss them in the colander to coat, and put them to the side. The tomatoes are going to release their juices into the mixing bowl. 

2. Turn the oven onto 350ºF.

As it's heating up you're going to dice your stale bread into 1-inch cubes, and coat the bread with ~2 tablespoons of olive oil. Put the coated bread on a baking sheet and heat it up where it's crisp but not deeply toasted. For me, that's 20 minutes, but ovens really vary in temperature accuracy so it might be a little less. 

2. Put the tomatoes in a separate bowl, and behold the delicious tomato juice that has dripped out of the colander and into your original mixing bowl. Chop up your shallot and garlic, throw it in the bowl. Add a spoon of dijon and two spoons of red wine vinegar into the bowl. Start whisking and add your olive oil. Pour the dressing over the bread. 

3. So you have your bowl of chopped tomatoes. Chop up some cucumbers, chop up your avocado. Chop some basil. I like to add red onion, but there's already raw shallot and raw garlic so... use caution. Add your chopped veggies to the bread and the dressing. 

4. You're gonna let everyone get to know each other in the bowl by letting the ingredients sit together for a while. If you're trying to serve soon, wait 30 minutes. I keep this in the fridge overnight. The avocado gets a little mushy but it's still good. 

So as the moon currently traverses the sign of Scorpio, and as your capacity wanes and rises, I hope you get some delicious sustenance, and your stale bread gets some new life. 

This recipe is adapted from a J Kenji Lopez-Alt video I watched, and you should totally use this recipe if you want to learn from someone who knows what they're doing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHMnQlOPFeI 

Mars retrograde Congee

So Mars is about to go retrograde in Gemini, and for folks with Gemini placements, you might be experiencing inflammation. Here’s a recipe that’s been helping me. Adapted recipe from Ari and Adrienne of Brown Recluse Zine Distro.

First, you're gonna make a Fish Bone Broth. 

Go to your local fish monger, and ask for fish heads. If you're a regular they might give you some for free! I got some scraps from my local Asian market (KP Market in Oakland). 

You're gonna need fish heads (like 2 or 3) specifically because you want to extract the collagen in their bones. 

Put the fish heads in some cold salt water for an hour to get the blood out, or else you might get a metallic aftertaste. 

Then you're gonna add the fish heads in a soup pot with some kitchen scraps, like celery, carrot, onion, thyme, rosemary, whatever herbs are around. Add some salt and pepper corns. I like to put some lemon to boil with everything so more collagen comes out of the bones. Fill the pot with water. 

Boil for a few hours, or put it in the slow cooker. If you use an instant pot put them in there for like an hour and then do a slow release of the steam. 

Strain the broth & store in the fridge. 

Now for the congee. 

You're gonna take one cup of white rice, and like 7 cups of the fish broth you just made. Add ginger (ginger also helps with inflammation). and you can cook over the stove for an hour, or cook for 30 mins on high pressure in the instant pot. 

You're gonna take some rotisserie chicken and shred it, heat it up in the oven if it's been in your fridge. 

Once the congee is in a porridge like consistency, top with some spring onion, the rotisserie chicken, add some salt and pepper to taste. If I have some lotus root I'll top with that too. 

and enjoy!

Praxis Astrology and Aliza Kelly: Stars Like Us Podcast

I was on the 105th episode of Stars Like Us, Aliza Kelly's podcast. We talk about organizing and the stars, and how to do approach traditional astrology from a radical framework. 

Here's the link. 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stars-like-us-astrology-with-aliza-kelly/id1451439498?mt=2 

Season 2 Episode 7 of The Strology Show: Locational Astrology

Listen here: https://www.thestrology.com/thestrologyshow 

Behind the scenes: I'm so glad Charm is a colleague with me on Locational Astrology. Her talk at the Portland Astrology School's conference on Essential Dignity and her work with it provides a much needed critique of the ways travel culture can harm. I love her. 

Before the episode, we were talking with Kirah about all the ideas we had about the episode and one thing I forgot to mention was texts on anti-imperialism that helped shape my analysis. I added some here (don't buy the expensive ones, find them elsewhere): https://bookshop.org/lists/against-colonialism

I hope y'all enjoy! You're listening to me nerd out on a form of astrology I hold close to my heart.